38

If I’d thought about it ahead of time I would have titled these birthday posts differently, but at 32, the number didn’t sound as bad. It seems a bit late to change things now since you lovely people can do rudimentary math so there it is…..Saturday I turned 38.

Not a bad number to be sure, but Thursday evening the thought crossed my mind that I’ll be 40 in two years. I’ll be honest that did freak me out a bit. I expected 30 to be difficult but it sailed by with normal fanfare and surprising acceptance. This feels different and I’ve already put my nearest and dearest on alert that the occasion probably won’t go well when it gets here. Sedation may be called for and I’ve given a few people the legal authority to do so should they think I will be a danger to myself or others.

Just kidding.

But not really.

I was cleaning out my back room this weekend and triaging things to be thrown out and those deemed worthy to find a place in a plastic storage bin, prime real estate in Church Hill. I came across the picture above. Second grade I think? I wonder what she thought about 40. If you had asked her I’m sure she would have said “that’s old!”. I don’t feel old. But I also don’t feel young. I don’t know what I feel and that might be why I feel a little out of place.

I guess it’s ok to feel a little out of place.

I think if you’d asked her a couple of other questions she would have had grand answers and big dreams. She definitely would have told you she hated that her new teeth hadn’t come in by picture day. Totally unfair!  She had no idea how hard some of this “adulating” would be. She would have started drinking bourbon much earlier had she had an inkling. She wanted everyone to like her and tried her best never to make a mistake.

I suppose I’ll make a list of the things she conjured up that have yet to be accomplished and try and do my best to make them happen. What else can we do except keep moving forward in this life and try to make our dreams come true. It would be so sad to think that you reach a certain arbitrary point and magic is no longer possible.

Anything is possible, even at 38. Well, maybe not anything. I may have to give up my dream of being a Mousketeer. Apparently, mouse ears look creepy on anyone over the age of 15. Whatever.