Tuesday, September 13, 2016

Crossroads



Super dramatic title, right? Don't worry. It just fits. It's crazy how you don't realize how tight your shoulders are until they relax. They've been craning up near your ears or hunched over a screen but you were too busy to notice. I've been thinking a lot about blogging this summer. To be honest, I've been thinking about stopping. I don't like to do anything half way and half is a generous way to describe what I've managed to post.

I really hate when I visit blogs and the only posts are long diatribes months apart that apologize for the infrequency of said posts, provide flimsy excuses and then promise better in the future. If you're going to do it, do it! If you're halfa#$&*$ it, put your little corner of cyberspace out of its misery.

Side-note: I actually hand-wrote this post because I didn't want to stare at a screen anymore. Like with a pen and everything. I didn't want to lose my thoughts. What I surmised (because I'm obviously a medical professional)  was bad allergies is apparently a cold. On antibiotics and the mend (thanks person who invented them), I hadn't slept well in a few days. I thought maybe not staring at a screen might help. 

I'm mad at myself. Why, because I can count on one hand the weeks this summer that I've been able to post three times, my standard schedule. It's because of a variety of reasons that have come together in a perfect storm. Since I'm fairly certain that there are larger problems in the world - hunger, slavery, war, starvation, the programming on the ABC Family now known as Freeform - this really makes me upset.

Why am I so mad when I can't? I've been thinking about that. Why am I so happy when I do? I've been thinking about that too. This sounds like I have had a lot of time for thinking but I really haven't. 

Maybe I should just stop? Everything has its time. I've started a new chapter, perhaps this isn't meant to be part of it. God it would be nice to take a few things off of my to-do list. Definitely stopping.

Walking down the street a day later I mentally snap a photograph of a building. I should come back with my camera. Oooooohhhhhh that would a make a great post about......

Oh.

I don't want my photos and my words to just live in my head. When they have a place to go, a shelf to sit on, I feel better. When I create something that wasn't there before I feel happy. When I have something that is just mine I feel complete. That's how I felt when I started this little experiment. I had to remember that I forgot that.

I'm gonna keep trying. See ya tomorrow

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