Friday, April 3, 2015

It's Friday, Love


{ The girl who stood in front of this window two years ago today had no idea what was about to happen }

Really glad this week is coming to a close. My sister and her family are in town for the weekend and I need some niece and nephew hugs. Hopefully a good weekend will set me to right. It's just been one of those weeks. Someone, who shall remain nameless, has been stressing me out with what can only be described as the Mount Everest of passive-aggressive rants. I tell myself not to let it get to me, and it doesn't like it used to. But waiting for the other shoe to drop is exhausting.

That brings us to the next piece of our puzzle. I haven't slept through the night in over two years. I'm getting sleep, I just think not enough. I should turn off electronics and television by 9pm. Not gonna happen. I should not sleep in hotel rooms so much. Not gonna happen. I should not have a dog that thinks she needs to eat breakfast at 5am every morning. Not gonna happen. When I do finally try and sleep the memories come back. Then I get sad. Falling asleep sad probably isn't great for me. Number one on next week's to-do list, stop falling asleep sad!

Circumstance also hasn't given me much alone time the past couple weeks. My batteries are low. I definitely need that mix of people and no people. Puzzle piece number three. Four has to do with my callergy. What is a callergy you ask? Well it's a phrase I invented to describe my spring/fall week long sniffle. It's not a cold, it's allergies. But it's not allergies, it's a cold. Takes a week and then I'm right as rain. Right now I can't pop my ears so the clear normal of four days from now sounds like heaven. I'm not very productive during these fogs either and then I feel like I'm wasting time and not doing my best. Five.

Six is that things are shifting. If I look back this seems to happen about every two years. Life is kind of like a snow globe. Everything is as it should be. Everything is in it's place. You know what you can count on. Then someone decides they want to see the snow fall and shakes up the scene. The snow lands in a very different pattern from where it lay just the moment before. Some things you can't count on anymore. Some people aren't there anymore. Or they're there but it's not the same. Getting used to those changes, however minuscule, is scary. The anchor is gone.

I will find new ones. I will find a new normal, taking into account what is possible and what will never happen despite how much I want it to. I will try and find that hope for the future again. Sometimes it's easy. This week not so much. This week the puzzle pieces were all jagged edges and consternation. Hopefully next week they'll be smooth. Hopefully next week they'll create a picture that I want to be a part of. Hopefully next week it's finally warm enough to wear flip flops!

Wait a minute? I just said hope three times. Maybe I've found it again already.

{ Blah.....Ugggggg..... }

{ This waffle iron was supposed to go to Goodwill, but it's been sitting by my front door for two weeks. Why, I ask you? }

{ If I'm feeling crappy, I'm sure as hell eating a fattening breakfast }

{ Maybe the end of in some ways }

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