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Friday, April 18, 2014

I Don't Really Like Candy

If I was being a good little lifestyle blogger I would show you pictures of how to dye the perfect Easter eggs or make a smashingly good, yet shockingly simple Easter meal. But I don't really feel like being that blogger today. I don't even like candy. Well...I like cadbury eggs. But even those I can only have once a day or my sugar gets so high I get a headache. I've always been more of a potato girl actually so Easter was never my thing.

I did love waking up to a basket of goodies just for me and that the day, like other holidays, was special. It meant an excuse to wear a prettier than normal dress to church, there were beautiful flowers everywhere and we'd always go out for a nice meal afterwards. Nothing fancy, just special. I don't have that anymore and I miss it.

Some of it is just the normal cycle of life. I'm getting older and the magic is now reserved for a younger generation. I love how my nephew's eyes light up when he is so amazed at something his head might explode. That's how it should be. Many years from now it will not be so easy to suspend his disbelief once certain things he believes in and trusts turn out to disappoint him. Another normal fact of life that creeps into every facet whether we know it or not. That's how it should be as well. Life is not fair and doesn't always turn out the way we want. He will learn that as well.

I'm also sad because holidays used to feel like a celebration, but now they just seem to serve as a reminder of everyone who isn't here to celebrate with. I miss my grandmother. She loved Easter. She always made sure she had some candy for us as well and a card. She would come over before church and say how pretty me and my sister looked in our dresses and give us hugs. She'd sing along with the hymns and in her later years nod off during the sermon. She's been gone five years now.

I miss my Dad. We rarely spent holidays together but we would talk on the phone and catch up a bit. Just knowing he was on the other end was comforting I guess. One of the last things he ever said to me was that one of these years we should have a giant Christmas and get everyone together. He's been gone four and a half years.

This is the part where I become nice and accommodating and say I don't mean to complain or sound ungrateful for all of the wonderful people and things in my life. I am immensely grateful for the family that remains and the new one that your friends truly become as you get older. I am healthy (as long as hot mess doesn't mean I'm unhealthy), I have a good job and a home I love. But today I really want to stick my middle finger up and say F YOU! It's not fair and I miss all of the people I love who I won't be able to celebrate with this weekend!

I sat down to write a quick blurb about the week and tell you how much (not at all) I'm looking forward to cleaning and staining my deck this weekend but this is what came out. As always....I guess I needed to get it out. I'm not really good at keeping things in.

Contrary to everything above this weekend is actually going to be great. Fun with friends tonight and then working on the deck tomorrow. I'll probably screw it up and then have to pay someone to fix it but at least you'll be able to say I told you so on Monday. My mom has to work at the hospital on Sunday so we're doing mass and dinner Saturday night. Sunday I have a great basket for Miss Austen to open and then we'll see where the day takes me. I'll be ok.

It is alright to be sad sometimes. It is alright to remember even if it hurts. It is how we honor a memory.

I miss you....

Kelly xoxo (My grandmother always included those:))

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