Thursday, January 2, 2014

The Road: Part 2


{ Miss Austen and I Christmas morning enjoying brunch at a friend's house }

If you read my blog regularly you know I'm prone to self-reflection. In fact, the last question I ask most people I interview is...if you could give yourself one piece of advice when you were 20 what would it be? Nine times out of ten the response is don't be afraid to find your own happiness and don't care so much about what other people think. We can't go back and live life over again, but we can learn from what has happened. Between my New Year's post and my Happy Birthday Austen Hill post in June, I have two great chances to look back over time and assess.

What changes have I experienced?

Why did I do what I did?

Did it work out the way I wanted it to?

What did I do that I wish I hadn't?

Are my relationships supportive and loving or draining and stressful?

What was I scared of that I overcame?

What can I work on for the future?

I hope this is considered self-awareness and not narcissism, but either way it helps me so I'm going to keep doing it. I actually had a much longer post planned based on the answers to these questions, but then I realized they were actually a few different posts that I'm going to delve into further over the coming months. There's some things I didn't know I needed to write about that just started coming out as my fingers flew across the keys so I'm taking it as a sign and giving each topic its due diligence.

So what did I decide to do with today's post? Well first, there are some things I want to remember from this past year and never forget..........in no particular order.........

The way that first oyster tasted.....

Walking into that meeting feeling like I was about to vomit on my shoes and then nailing it. I sunk his battleship.....

I hope it was fate but it could just have easily been chance....I almost didn't go that night......

Picking myself up like I've had to do so many times before...wondering how many damn years it will take until I listen to my gut when it says something isn't right......

Having more faith in my writing and taking chances with what I write about......

Hearing my own voice saying...I love him already. How is that possible? I used to be so afraid to make a mistake it took me 35 houses before I found the right one but THIS....I've never been more certain of anything in my life. That's why I trust it. That's why I'll always trust us. 

Hearing each Member say "yea" as their name was called......

Laying in bed, eating teddy grahams and watching a movie with my nephew Jack during his first epic sleepover.....he leaned over and said Aunt Kel, I want to stay with you every day for forever....well, how about every few weeks buddy:).....

The way I felt that day...and immeasurably glad I took a picture of that meadow......

Cheers everyone!!!!........glasses clinking......such good times.....

I'm sick of hotel rooms.....

The song Wildfire.....my Dad has used it several times this year to let me know how he feels about things. Don't worry I'm listening......

Hearing my own voice singing Angel From Montgomery on playback........

Realizing that when I feel loved, strong, confident and happy I am the best version of myself. When I feel taken for granted, less and insecure I am a version of myself I don't like.....and I act and do things that I'm not proud of because of insecurity and fear. If I feel this way it's up to me to change it, not anyone else.

Friends who supported me when I was a hot mess....

The clink of the spoon on my teeth as I took that bite of chocolate Hagen daz and the few seconds afterwards, anticipating what was about to happen.....

Realizing I want to be part of a team.........

The sound of my heart on the monitor.......what if there wasn't a next beep?...

My gold nugget necklace, it became my "Barbara Bush Pearls".....

That was perhaps the wrong thing to say (x10) (Please see above regarding how I act when I'm insecure)........

That number on the scale.......

My West Wing moment.......

The Old Fitzgerald........

Realizing I am not my mother......

A needed separation from people in my life I'd let bring me down for years.......

Try as I may there's nothing I hate about you.....even the stuff that's not so easy:)

Such happiness and promise......

Reality......

We are all fools in love.....

I'll be ok no matter what......

Sheesh! I'm emotionally exhausted! How about you? Just kidding:). I'd rather be exhausted than bored. If you had told me December 31, 2012 what would happen in 2013 I would have laughed in your face, possibly slapped you and asked if you were high:). But even with the good, the bad and the ugly it has been an amazing year and I wouldn't do a damn thing differently. It has been wonderful in so many unexpected ways and I will treasure it always.....

2014.....

I hope it's the best year of my life so far. That's what I always hope for. But I've also lived long enough to know it may not be. There are certain things I hope for that will make me the happiest little lady on this planet should they happen. But they may not. See most of what I want right now is completely out of my control.

Absent this comforting illusion, I will focus on what I do have control over, my own life. I have an exciting and busy year ahead at my day job. I'm hoping to take an opportunity I've been given and run with it. For the blog, I'm hoping to develop a business plan for the future and expand the scope of Austen Hill to include other projects. And the band already has some really fun gigs lined up for the first half of the year so I'm super-excited. Personally, I'm going to spend time with my friends, have some wine and see where the road takes me.....knowing that no matter what I want, where I hope it will lead or who I hope might join me....it knows best and will lead me home.

2 comments:

  1. Thank you for sharing Kelly. Some of your past thoughts made me laugh out loud, smile in recognition and give a "umm hmmm" under my breath. Thanks for being brave and honest honest. I also feel 2014 is going to be the best year ever, I only hope our paths gently collide more often.

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  2. Thank you Leslie for being so supportive of my blog and I hope we see much more of each other as well!

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