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{ Matthew Macfadyen, My favorite Mr. Darcy of all-time } |
I had a completely different post planned for today.
But
then a man I met on a train pissed me off so I wrote this instead.
I love the train. It’s leisurely, somehow old-fashioned and
slightly romantic. I take it any chance I get hoping one day to follow in the
footsteps of Monsieur Poirot. If you don’t get that reference you probably
won’t like the rest of this so you should stop reading now. Today I’m headed to
Philly to speak at a conference for my day job. Admittedly not one of my
favorite cities for many reasons, I try and take the train when I can instead
of flying. My company tends to use US Airways and Philly + US Airways = prop
planes. I hate prop planes. So…..for me it’s normally the train on this
particular route.
And here I sit, minding my own business in the club car finalizing
my presentation for tomorrow when an unassuming gentleman, who we’ll call Mr.
Smith, asks if he can sit down across from me. Of course, I say. A slightly balding man in his (probably) late
fifties, Mr. Smith strikes up a conversation and we chat arbitrarily about the
weather, route and our business there. I notice his glance descends to my bare
left hand and he smirks. Not married
then, a beautiful woman like you? I’m 34 and used to this question. I smile
politely and say nope, my rehearsed indifference proudly on display. Divorced? Again I smile and politely say
nope. Really? Always laughing to myself when someone says this….would
that be better? Oooohhhhh he says…..waiting for the perfect Mr. Darcy then?
Maybe I was tired, maybe I was done or maybe I was so sick
of hearing this from people who hadn’t the faintest clue what they were talking
about that something inside me snapped. I took a breath and said…it looks as though
a seat has opened up behind you and I could really use some privacy while I finish
my work. He looked at me with an embarrassed understanding, knowing he’d made a
joke I didn’t appreciate, and rose making his farewells.
It’s not the first time I’ve heard something like this.
Around the time I turned 30 I noticed people started making comments that
basically alluded to the fact that if it hadn’t happened by now it probably
wasn’t going to happen. Thanks guys!:) This actually surprised me. I thought we
had come further, apparently not. The comment about Mr. Darcy is a pretty
frequent add-on as well once people find out I’m an Austen fan or I tell them
about my blog. It’s actually quite a common myth the populous has bought into;
a woman who has never been married must have ridiculously high expectations of
a perfect man who will ride in on a white horse, sweep her off her feet and
carry her off into the sunset. That only happens in the fairytales a little
girl reads and it certainly never happens in an Austen novel. What??? Did I
just blow you’re mind? Here begins my offense and catalyst for my recompense.
First things first….Mr. Darcy is a jerk! Well….when we first
meet him. Colin Firth (who is actually my least favorite Darcy) may emerge wet
from a lake and Matthew Macfadyen (who is my favorite Darcy) may stride across
the moors at dawn (movie references to help the non-readersJ), but these
ridiculously sexy images can’t negate the fact that I, like Elizabeth, wouldn’t
have gone out with him if you paid me. He’s rude, haughty, condescending and
ungenerous. And these aren’t cute misunderstandings like in romantic comedies,
this guy kind of sucks. He tells his best friend Bingley that Elizabeth isn’t
pretty enough for him (which she overhears), thinks himself the better of
everyone around him and even breaks up Bingley and Elizabeth’s sister because
he’s decided all on his own that he can do better. The best part is when he
proposes to Elizabeth and tells her he’s struggled because her and her family
aren’t really good enough for him, but he loves her so much he’s willing to
overlook it. Well shucks……sign me up!
Now there are reasons he is the way he is. First of all he’s
a person and he’s not perfect. Second, he’s been brought up in a certain social
sphere and his pride gets the better of him sometimes. In a very real way I
also think he’s shy and has a hard time interacting with people he’s not very
close with, something bravado and the creation of a persona often
overcompensate for. The good news is that she tells him where to stick it and
that he’s pretty much the last man in the world she would ever marry. That’s
the wake up call he needs. If he can stop being afraid and let her see
who he actually is, they might be able to save this amazing, intangible
connection they have.
Where does this myth of perfection come from? This
infallible Adonis referred to as Mr. Darcy that all women supposedly long for.
I can only surmise it’s from the foreign formality of the time. Women wore
gloves, men wore hats and you couldn’t even speak to someone until a third
party properly introduced you. This mythical man is not real. And I don’t want
to speak for all women, but personally I don’t want someone who’s perfect. I’d
rather be miserable than bored. Oddly enough you can still be happy when you’re
miserable. Boredom however breeds a loathsome unhappiness that is sad to
witness.
What does any of this have to do with me, real life or why
I’m mad on a train? Because! I, like Mr. Darcy, don’t appreciate being
misunderstood and generalized. I’ve had chances along the way but either fate
or my own intuition intervened. If I’d gotten married before now I would have
either married the wrong person or screwed it up with the right one. In my
twenties especially, I would have cared more about the wedding invitation,
color scheme and if my dress was getting stained as I walked through the grass
instead of the amazing person standing across from me. I wasn’t ready. I am
now.
Back to Elizabeth and Darcy, who by the way do let go of
their initial prejudice of one another, realize pride is just fear of rejection
in disguise and grow to love each other very deeply. I think Pride and
Prejudice is the story of two people who, through that love, grow and create
something bigger and better than they ever could have on their own. They aren’t
real but they do show us what the couples I admire in real life demonstrate,
they’re a perfect team because they compliment each other. That sounds easy but
it’s not. The couples I admire in my life are all different but they respect,
support and admire one another. Through this they make each other better and act
as a team. Don’t get me wrong…they fight, they disagree and they always have to
work at it. But through it all they seem to be good at listening to each other.
Having an amazing connection that makes them want to rip each other’s clothes
off doesn’t seem to hurt eitherJ.
That’s what I want. And if you’ve been lucky enough to feel this in real life
you know it’s worth fighting for.
So Mr. Smith, will I settle for anything less than Mr.
Darcy? That’s not a no, that’s a fuck no!
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