Wednesday, July 24, 2013

Things I Learned From Jack



I know, I know I said no more cute pictures of my nephew Jack...but guess what.... I lied:). I miss this little guy so much it hurts. I miss his smile, I miss his laugh, I miss the way he gets so excited about something and grabs my arm to come see.

While we were at the beach we would put on some music and have a bit of a dance party before bed each night. When he was leaving I actually got a little teary I'll admit (I'm a weeper so this is nothing out of the ordinary). He saw I was crying, gave me a kiss and said don't worry Aunt Kel I'll come back to the beach and dance with you, I promise. Yea I'm smitten.

He's also pretty slick which frankly impresses me. He can diffuse any situation and usually gets his way. Your first instinct is that a three year old doesn't know what's going on but then you see that twinkle in his eye and realize he knows exactly what's up. He's actually maneuvering you all around like chess pieces, very similar to the planning and implementation of the D-Day invasion. I need some of his mojo....I thought to myself. So after countless hours of keen observation here's what I learned from Jack.

  1. It's important to have a catch phrase. Jack's is Are you thinking what I'm thinking? Probably not Jack. Catch phrases are important though. They're sort of a signature move and can fill up any awkward silence. I'm still working out what mine should be but contenders include: How about those Yankees? or Did you know that you'll ingest 8 spiders in your lifetime? As I said I'm still working it out and am soliciting suggestions. 
  2. If you tilt your head and speak in a soft, high-pitched voice when you say you're sorry you will be forgiven immediately. I've already used this three times this week and it works like a charm! Your welcome!
  3. If you don't like who you're having dinner with just start playing with your napkin and/or your utensils and they will leave you alone. When a child is occupied and looks happy whatever you do don't make eye contact. If you lock eyes they will realize you were using this time to think and relax. They don't like this and will immediately request you take them for a walk somewhere. This is also true for wild animals, although the walk is actually a chase and you will get eaten in the end.
  4. Eat what you want. Jack stays alive, and seems to be growing normally, on a diet of crackers, milk, ice cream, more crackers and O'eeeoo's (or Oreos). Heck, I'm jumping on this band wagon! The government has clearly lied about the adverse health effects of Yellow Dye Number 5 and sodium. My new diet will consist of wine, ramen noodles and steak. 
  5. If you ask someone to carry something for you they'll do it. If Jack picked up a thimble three seconds later he would ask someone to carry it for him. Do children not have pockets? I've asked someone to carry an umbrella, a laptop and a drink for me in the past week and every time they did it! Magic!
  6. Men prefer some things about a woman to remain a mystery. Well that's not true, frankly they're scared. Even at three Jack is already displaying signs of this. I closed the bathroom door to use the ladies room when Jack burst in to tell me there was a bird on the porch. I calmly said Jack, you need to knock before you open the door when someone is in the bathroom. His eyes got very big and he said oh, do you need private lady time? I said yes, I need private lady time. He gasped and immediately closed the door and ran far, far away. Men never change:). 

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